ScanDisk the heart

CHECK LIST OF THE HEART'S INTENTIONS

As a Christian in everything it's good to scan your heart for impure motivations.

I remember when we just had a PC at home, back in the 90's, and I would run regurlary a program called ScanDisk, in MS DOS. It would scan the entire system and look for errors etc. It was maintenance, so the computer could run and be used to its full potential. I wanted to get everything out of the machine.

This, being like 15 years old, made me realize I also need to 'scandisk' my heart from time to time, purely for maintenance. To be able to run properly as a follower of Christ. But today: How much of my full potential of my being do I give to God?

Today as I was doing my devotion I read this text and I found it a good 'scandisk' question: 

How many of us are not content to serve God with the gifts He has given us while whining about the fact that others have the gifts we want. 

We convince ourselves that our longing for a bigger platform is to further the Kingdom when, in reality, that longing is for self-promotion, fame and recognition.

Now the devotion is about jealousy, and how this is a very bad root to grow anything out of it. Nothing good will sprout out of jealousy. On the contrary, just destruction.

But for me it's not about jealousy at this moment, it's about continuously searching for the right motivations for this dream I have, so that I can built with the right motivations and not the wrong ones. 

That's why this sentence is always good to scan with:

we convince ourselves that our longing for a bigger platform is to further the Kingdom when, in reality, that longing is for self-promotion, fame and recognition.

1. Is the Art Ship dream for self-promotion?

2. Is the Art Ship for fame?

3. Is the Art Ship for recognition?

A. Is the Art Platform for self-promotion?

B. Is the Art Platform for fame?

C. Is the Art Ship for recognition?

Good questions.

I will answer them right now, but regurlary answer them again from time to time, for myself.

I am already an artist and each step of becoming that artist-in-the-making has been totally by God's doing: my art education I have had thanks to God, my graduation, my residencies after that, my exhibitions, my assignments, everything.

I am an artist for no other reason than that God wants me to be one. Being an artist is not a save choice. Being a Christian artist even worse. I can't make or produce anything worthwhile without His input. He is my source and drive. Or my work can be weak, empty. There is a lot of empty art out there as it is, because of the source the artist has.

I also see it as a way to be salt in the world of art. A lot of times as a Christian artist, it's not about the art I make, it is about the people I encounter, mostly. And what God wants me to do with these moments. They are orchestrated by Him and He is actually the artist in the background.

So I don't do anything for selfpromotion: neither the Art Ship or the Art Platform. It just doesn't make sense. Nothing is built up from my own to start with. 

An artist that has built up an art platform with his own strength, that's great! I am happy and proud for that artist. But I am not that artist because I chose to serve God and not myself.

Is the Art Ship and Platform for fame?

YES. To this question I would say that the GOAL is not fame, but the RESULT of fame would be cool. 

Why: because I want to let the world see how cool God is and how He can do big things with those who serve Him.

We have such a powerful rich God, and we want the world to understand that. Anything is possible for this God and we want the world to understand that.

So in this context I would love one of the outcomes to be fame. But personal fame…? Now let's see.

I remember in high school I wanted to be popular. (I actually did become popular in the last year of high school). As I was a Christian, I did not stand a chance, I thought. I thought: One day, when we are all already grown up and high school belongs to the past - I will be famous and you all will remember me. I thought so because I thought I was 'special' and nobody was seeing that at the time. Yes, in high school, forming your identity, these are the thoughts that consume your mind. Being special and being seen.

Funny thing is that now I am not having this as a drive, (to become famous) but learn to trust in God's timing in my art career. He is totally my manager. He could indeed make me a famous artist if he wants. But what is a famous artist anyway? Isn't it your ART that makes you famous, IF you are to be famous. Not you. People don't actually know what the french artist Christo looks like. Or what  Jeff Koons looks like. Unless you make a lot of self-portraits that get famous too. Of course then people know what you look like (Frida Kahlo, Vincent van Gogh, but they are dead)

As a Christian artist you feel like shit when you pursuit self-ambition, and fame, you can feel very empty and disappointed  I know this from my own experience, and I soon decided not to bother with this. That is very freeing! and a better way to truly work on your becoming-an-artist.

Recognition for my self as an artist? Yes, I probably do look on this. Because the more work I have and the more I can make a living from my art, the more people have recognized me/are recognizing me.

Although, just as the fame, it is more a RESULT then a goal, since God gives me the work in His timing. Then there is the law of what your reap is what you sow: working continuously and focused will pay off, or produce fruit. This is for any artist, Christian or not.

Recognition for the Art Ship or Platform?

Again, it would be a nice result, but it is not the main drive why I pursuit these dreams. I can' even pursuit these dreams on my own, neither do i want to. So how can I get personal recognition for any of these?

I want to preferably pursuit these dreams with a mate, a partner, since 2 can do more then 1. I am currently also scanning my heart to see if the desire to have a life partner is a need that God puts in all of us since he actually wants to be the one person that we need, this need we have to be loved by that special someone. Every human being has this need, some stronger then others, so probably I think it originates from being created to be loved and cared for by God. This topic is a new one, i'll continue it in another note :)